Avoiding My Paper: An Ode to Shauna Cant

I should be finishing my research paper about dead people, but instead I'm going to avoid it and tell you about Shauna.

• She has red hair- a sign of the devil. Her opinions don't count because she has the wrong colour hair. 
• Her solution to traffic jams is flying- I have the text message to prove it.
• When I told her I had a laser appointment on my lunch and would be back a few minutes late she asked if it was laser eye surgery. She believes I can get get laser eye surgery over lunch and come back to work.
• She has told me she doesn't know how to live without me. She has stalking tendencies. 
• Like Patricia, she is also an expert at hiding her illiteracy.
• She wants to name her first born child Costco, and her second baby Banana Republic 
• She likes to bbq in the snow

What I could be writing about

What I am writing about

 Patricia is ugly. That is all.