Congratulations Patricia

I would like to congratulate Patricia on hoodwinking yet another educational institution into accepting her to one of their programs. Humber College is the new sucker, as she will be working (I use that term lightly) through the Public Relations program.

Congratulations Patricia in hiding your illiteracy yet again! I'm so happy and proud of you! Hopefully Humber won't figure out that you're illiterate and ugly and ban you from campus.

This is what Humber Accepted

Let Patricia's miracle acceptance remind you that anything is possible (even if you're ugly).

That is all.

Shout Out to a Biffle

Just a quick shout out to my exercise partner for giving me diabetes (and a Rolo Sundae). It was delightful. Shauna wants to know why it wasn't a mint sundae.

Thanks Again Nugget Buddy!!

 

Patrcia's face looks like a regurgitated Rolo Sundae. That is all. 

Ninja Goat

Here is photo from Patricia's cross-Canada adventures. As you can see, Patricia is attempting to escape Chris' abuse. Not only does he not feed her, but he doesn't allow her to shower (hence Patricia's body beard). Patricia writes on her blog "After about 30km we stopped in Strathmore for lunch, and to get some groceries. Chris went into Sobeys while I waited for the bike, and when he came back we had a delicious lunch consisting of turkey and havarti cheese sandwiches, fruitopia, and some fruit". What she fails to mention is Chris did not share his delicious sandwich- hence the ninja jail break.

Patricia's attempt at escape

Today, I think it is important that we all wish Patricia luck in future escape attempts. The ugly do not deserve to starve (at least in this case).

That is all.

Upgrades to the Parking Department

Hello Everyone,

Today I would like to highlight some of the upgrades the Parking Department has made. Not only has the department been working on upgrading its system, the office has upgraded its staff. The office has replaced Patricia with a much more attractive individual to work at the front counter. The face of parking has improved!! Shauna is a second year political science student with ginger hair (we won't hold that against her). She enjoys stalking people and yelling.You can see her here:

L: Patricia R: Shauna

   

I would also like to point out that Patricia has lost her mind, and how requires enormous road signs to remind her what her name is. I attribute (some) of Patricia's insanity to the fact that Chris is not feeding her, and abusing her incorrectly...Chris doesn't have the same skills as I do. So if you're worried about Patricia, send her a can of beans and a baseball bat.

The results of starvation and abuse

I miss Heinous Face, and hopes she picks up the pace and gets home soon.

That is all.

In a Disguise- Still Not the Ugliest

Parking Services Win.

From Left to Right: Natalie, Bird, Jessie, Heinous Face

The Irony is Unbelievable

Patricia Returning to Her  Roots

Enough said.

Patricia Is Confusing Homesickness with Hunger Pains (what a dork)

Hello all,


Yesterday I received a message from the unattractive Patricia declaring she is homesick. I think its important that Patricia is fed- although I would love if she came home looking like an overcooked, anorexic goat. She is now using homesickness to cover the fact that her boyfriend Chris is refusing to feed her. The only reason Patricia is homesick is because she misses the food. 


Also, Patricia has told me to " back off [her] boyfriend biatch, I know he is more attractive then I am, thats why I'm with him (duh!!)". I would like to clarify this statement. Chris is with Patricia because he needed a slave to peddle on the back of a bike. Patricia is with Chris because her life goal is not to end up as an ugly hag. (She'll just be ugyl). I guess you could think of their relationship as a symbiotic one, although I don't know if dating Patricia Heinous Face Noyes is worth a little bike ride across Canada and a lifetime of eye pain. 


Here is my interpretation of Chris and Patricia: 

Chris and Patricia on their wedding day

Please note, I am not trying to steal Patty's boyfriend in any way. I simply chose the smokeshow Armie Hammer to portray  Chris to highlight the monstrosity that is Patricia. 


That is all.